"Howdy, Partner" (Meeting #3)

           On a dreary Monday, my day instantly brightened as I approached Yi-Ray at a table in front of our usual meeting place.  She smiled warmly as she stood to greet me; we exchanged slight bows out of habit of our Asian upbringing. When I meet with Yi-Ray, I am reminded of my cultural background, something that can be so easily forgotten in the Texas culture, and especially in TCU's community. I can only imagine how she must feel being a foreigner. However, I would soon gain a deeper understanding of her perspective, her emotions...

            As we sat back down, Yi-Ray motioned towards a smoothie drink on the table. "For you," she said with eyes wide, filled with hope that I would accept this sweet gesture of her appreciation for meeting with her. A bit stunned at her thoughtfulness, I gratefully accepted her token of friendship, and we began our conversation of the week. It began like normal; we discussed our week and the fun occurrences of the weekend. She sighed as she expressed how her life is such a routine, even though I find her life as a student, mother, and wife fascinating. Perhaps, though, that is why she takes genuine interest in what I do as she finds my experiences intriguing (although my life is no more exciting than a rock's). At times, we express "the grass is greener on the other side." In time, however, I learn this is not always so.

            Our conversation continued as we discussed a book that she is reading called, "Cinderella Man". Since I have never read the book or seen the movie, I let her explain the story to me; Yi-Ray seemed excited, yet nervous, at the opportunity to be the storyteller. I also answered questions she had about the English phrases in the book. One phrase we discussed was what it means when someone says, "you cannot work on an empty stomach." I did my best to give clear explanations and offer examples; in that moment, I was thankful I was not working on an "empty stomach" either. Once again, I was reminded at how easy it is to take our language for granted.

            Then as our conversation over the "Cinderella Man" ended, we began to discuss religion as Yi-Ray noticed the cross I wore upon my neck. After I admitted that I am a Christian, she gladly explained that she was a Christian too. She said that she was "innately Christian." This greatly surprised me as I had assumed most Asian nations (generally, most of the world), were not Christian. However, Yi-Ray explained the religion in South Korea, where about half of the nation is Christian; her parents are Christian, and she was born as a Christian. North Korea, on the other hand, bans Christianity; she continued to explain the religious situation of Korea, and I found myself in awe of her knowledge, but most importantly, of her faith.

            Before departing, I asked Yi-Ray if she had anything on her mind. She hesitated for a moment, biting her bottom lip. "Well..." she began, "it's just hard sometimes."

            Quizzically I gazed at her, unsure of what she meant. Then she continued. Her eyes darkened and her brow furrowed as she expressed some of the trials and hardships she has faced being a foreigner. She explained how people treat her as being incompetent. "They treat me as if I'm stupid," she said. "But...I don't think I am." Yi-Ray let out a sigh as she clasped her hands on the table. For a moment, I was speechless and my heart cried silently for her. I could sense her frustrations from the language barrier she faces, but even more than that, the frustrations stemming from people's racism and mistreatment. Looking at her in the eyes, I reassured her. It was all I could do. I shared my own personal experiences of being treated wrongly and being treated as being "stupid" because people had assumed that I was foreign too. All I could do was offer her support, and explain that some people are simply ignorant. As we prepared to end our conversation, I told her not to feel discouraged and that she is someone I admire, someone I respect. Yi-Ray took my hand, gave it a squeeze, and smiled.

"The Man Who was Almost a Man"

Richard Wright did an excellent job in creating the character of Dave Saunders in “The Man Who was Almost a Man”. Dave was the perfect representation of a rebellious 17-year-old teenager craving independence, but more importantly, desiring respect. He wanted to be an equal amongst those in his community, and treated in such a manner; yet, due to racial issues prevalent during Dave’s time, the social and economic inequalities that African Americans faced crushed hopes and the personal belief amongst them that they deserved so much more than what they had. I sense that Dave was well aware of the inequalities surrounding him; however, I believe that he wanted more—he was a rebel because he did not want to be what everyone expected him to be. Society made clear its expectations of someone like Dave—they would work the fields from morning to evening, and make money for the family because perhaps society did not believe African Americans were worth anything more than that. However, maybe Dave knew there was more to life, or he could at least hope, and I respect that.

In regards to this throughout the story, I could feel Dave’s pent-up frustrations from his familial, work, and social situations. In these scenarios, Dave was not an individual, but rather a pawn used by others for he was just a child to them. Hence, this perhaps fueled Dave’s unyielding desire to gain a gun so he could feel empowered, where he “could kill a man with a gun like this. Kill anybody, black or white…if he were holding his gun…nobody could run over him; they would have to respect him.” For Dave, being a man was synonymous to respect. However, is this not true for all people, even today? Being a man, being an adult, means that you have respect to some extent, unlike children whose opinions are rarely valued or taken into deep consideration. Dave simply wanted to be valued by others— a desire shared by adult and child.   

Overall, although I do not agree with some of Dave’s decisions throughout the story, I sympathized with him, as I think most teenagers can as well.  I understood his fear of his father; I could see the child within him in his moments of weakness; I felt a part of me urging him to jump on the train. Nevertheless, we can all relate to some degree to Dave’s desires for respect and independency. For Dave, the solution was to own a gun, while for others, it may have been having their own car, receiving a driver’s license, doing drugs or alcohol, or dating someone in a serious relationship. For each individual in this particular age group, we find something that empowers us, which gives us a sense of security, respect, and power so we may feel equal within society. In some respect, we are no different from Dave.

  Hence, teenagers and children are often accused of being selfish, self-centered. Children spout out lies to avoid trouble rather than taking responsibility for their mistakes; teenagers at times do the same. Dave refused to take responsibility for his actions the moment that he jumped on the train; however, in the world in which he lived, was this so wrong? In the moment in which the train passed by, Dave saw an opportunity to escape the restricting community, the binding expectations of his family and his town; he saw an opportunity to go “away to somewhere, somewhere where he could be a man…”, or at least die trying. If he had stayed, I do not believe that Dave would ever be seen as a man because he would always be known as the boy who killed the mule, perhaps a mule himself. He would only be a punching bag for his father, a moneymaker for his mother, but not a man. Because of that, Dave was selfish, wanted more for himself, and thus took a leap into the unknown, perhaps into the beginning of adulthood. To be frank, I do not see what is so terrible about that. To see Dave leave, I was content.

Hence, it is true that Dave was “almost a man”; I think at the end of his story, he begins his journey to becoming a man. Critics may condemn his choice to leave, for in truth, it was indeed selfish as he neglects responsibilities and debts. However, does selfishness define him as a child, or are adults not selfish too? Hence, I am left to wonder what it means to be a man, an adult in the eyes of society. Perhaps even we do not understand what it means. Whether we truly are an adult, a child, or somewhere in between, who in this world has the right to determine that? Who has the right to make the judgment call of whether or not we are an adult, someone who is wise and mature? No one does.

"Huck Finn Questionnaire"

*Have you read the novel –Huck Finn- before?  If so where and why?

This is my first time reading Huck Finn! I have never read this book before, nor was it required or suggested during my younger educational years. To be honest, I did not know very much about Huck Finn, besides that, he was friends with Tom Sawyer (yet I also know little about Tom too).  

*If you have not read Huck Finn before, surely you know something about the novel and character from references and allusions in popular culture.  What do you know about either the novel and/or character?

            To be honest, Huck Finn was not very popular or spoken about in Hawaii. We learned about the general basis of him, but never any details beyond that he was a young boy that had adventures with Tom Sawyer. My only prior memory in relation to Huck Finn is that I vaguely remember seeing a movie on ABC (or perhaps another television network), as I remember Tom painting a fence, and then Tom and Huck finding the money. Beyond that, I did not know anything about them. Hence, this was quite an interesting experience for me; my eyes have been opened!

*If you were assigned to read Huck Finn in a previous class, either here or in high school, how did your class as a whole react to the novel?  Why do you think your instructor assigned the novel?  How did he or she try to “teach” the novel?

            For this semester, it seems that our class had mixed reactions about the novel. Some students seemed to despise it, while others fancied it. I think that our instructor assigned this novel to give us the experience to be exposed to such a controversial book, to which we could read, analyze, and then formulate our own opinions. Our instructor taught us about this novel in an engaging way, to where he pointed out interesting symbols, incidents, and deeper meanings in the novel that made us – or at least me – stop and reconsider our preconceived notions about the book.

*If you were required to read Huck Finn in a previous class, what sort of assignments were you required to complete, and what exactly did you do during the classes when

Huck Finn was being discussed.

            Since I have no prior experience with this book, I will briefly summarize what we did in this class. We wrote blog responses to the novel. In class, we discussed the novel in context, but also analyzed the deeper meanings to the book, such as what is the book’s true meaning, and the controversial aspects of the novel’s storyline, and as a whole.

*Huck Finn is still one of the most controversial and most banned books in America.   

Why is it so controversial? 

            I think that it is very controversial because of the language (specifically the N-word), as well as the moral standards of the characters. Most, if not all, of the characters are racist to an extent, and the grotesque aspects of humanity are exposed. People cannot quite determine what the true meaning of the book is, nor can they fully decide who is “good”, and who is “bad”. With so much room for interpretation, it is no surprise it’s controversial; people cannot decide whose opinion is “right” and “wrong”.

*Is Huck Finn still relevant to you as college student today?   

Should it continue to be taught in college classrooms?

            As someone who is reading Huck Finn for the first time, I found it relevant, and quite intriguing. Although the book was an extreme challenge, I thought the content of the story and the underlying messages were indeed valuable. Most importantly, it caused me to think and do some introspection, which I value as a reader. This novel should continue to be taught in college classrooms, as I think in college, individuals are much more mature and prepared to really question the value and messages of the book critically and analytically, rather than brushing it off for what it is at face value.

*The general consensus among critics is that Huck Finn is a brilliant and powerful novel, but also a flawed and problematic novel.  What do you think might be flawed and/or problematic about the novel?

            The characters are quite problematic and flawed; because of this, I found myself frustrated at different points in the book. However, I also think that the characters, because of their flaws, become realistic and to an extent, relatable to a part of our self that we may not so openly identify with. Overall, though, the most problematic aspect of the book was the return of Tom and his pointless ploys towards the end of the novel. I feel that all that Huck achieved in terms of self-development to some extent regressed with the return of Tom. The huge moral development peak that Huck hit seemed to fall flat because of the ridiculous escapades toward the end that drew away from the deeper meanings that the book attempted to address. Why Mark Twain did this, we may never know.  

"The Name is Huck... Huck Finn."

"Make the best o' things the way you find 'em, says I--that's my motto," (Twain 142).

            It was a hazy afternoon when my journey through The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn began. Since this was my first time reading the novel, I did not know what to expect. Mark Twain is a provocative author; he is not afraid to shock his audience, to make them think.  Although I greatly appreciate Twain for his literary talent, I found that each time that I picked up the dauntingly thick book, it was difficult. The language and dialects used throughout the novel were uncommon to me, and with my dyslexic tendencies, reading and comprehending each page of the novel seemed like a long and arduous process. Reading has always been challenging for me, but at times with this novel, it seemed painful...frustrating. Then, realization struck as I read the simple passage above in regards to Huck's motto. Rather than being discouraged, I decided to be like Huck and make the best of my situation. With a newfound perspective, I trudged through the pages, focusing and enjoying the story to be told.

            Novels centered around satire - and exposing the vulgarity of the human race - normally lack enjoyment in my taste  (as my sense of humor never quite grasps irony and sarcasm), but with this novel, I found myself laughing and smiling at Huck's simple thoughts and crazy ploys. Admittedly, I was thoroughly amused with the random happenings that occurred. From traveling down the river, to meeting feuding families, to encountering frauds committing crimes, I was enraptured by Huck's simplicity, but also saddened by the sticky situations he was placed in, along with the grotesque actions of humanity that he was forced to witness. My heart dropped as I watched his childhood innocence slip away. To see a child's eyes open to reality in such a harsh manner is depressing, but inevitable. With the turn of each page, I had only hope that Huck would at least maintain his quirky charm that reminded me he was still young, still able to question the world willingly and innocently. 

            In all, throughout this picaresque novel, I found myself in awe of Huck's unconventional optimism and heroism. For an individual who was constantly exposed to the harsher truths in life, such as having no mother and being abused by an alcoholic father, Huck's ability to cope and survive is admirable. I found myself empathizing with Huck throughout the novel, as many individuals probably can. Whether it be because we also had an alcoholic parent, or a parent who neglected us, or simply the feeling that people only believe the worse in us, we can find some form of commonality with Huck - or at least I did.

            Nevertheless, Huck Finn is a character with flaws, increasing his realistic and relatable qualities. From his moments of guilt and contemplation, to the times that he felt tears brimming in his eyes, Huck's vulnerability as a young boy could be felt; from moments like these, I could see the progression of Huck's maturity-- his coming-of-age. Hence, my favorite aspect during this entire novel was witnessing the moral development of Huck's character. It was fascinating to see how Huck began the novel as a young, rebellious boy who did not quite know right from wrong, or rather, believed it did not matter. To see Huck transform into someone who sees someone as a friend rather than for the color of his skin, someone who learns how to apologize, someone who disagrees with fraud and sets out to make the situation right-- it was heartwarming. Watching Huck develop into a young adult and define his moral beliefs is what kept me invested in the novel; I anxiously anticipated what Huck would do next with the turn of each page.  The lessons, moments of self-reflection, and epiphanies that Huck had throughout the novel were profound, and I found myself having similar realizations and moments of self-reflection. To think about how far I have come in terms of moral development is enlightening, as I reflect upon my own experiences that have taught me right and wrong, good and evil. I can only imagine that Huck felt the same as he floated down the Mississippi River in his raft (canoe, boat, or whatever you wish to call it).

            In testament to Huck's moral development, my favorite passage in the novel highlighting Huck's personal dilemma and uncovered conscious is as follows:

"It was because my heart warn't right; it was because I warn't square; it was because I was playing double. I was letting on to give up sin, but away inside of me I was holding on to the biggest one of all. I was trying to make my mouth say I would do the right thing...go and write to that n's owner and tell where he was; but deep down...I knowed it was a lie--and He knowed it. You can't pray a lie--I found that out," (Twain 222).

            This passage to me shows Huck's deep introspection and the ultimate lesson that we all learn at some point in time as we "come-of-age"-- sometimes the right thing and the wrong thing are the same. While reading, I realized that inevitably, there is not always a clear definition of what is "right" and what is "wrong", but rather it is an issue of what our gut, our conscious, our heart tells us so. As we age, I have learned, we come to decipher and define what is "right" and "wrong" in our own terms, as the definitions that we create for these two simple terms are based upon our experiences and perceptions of those experiences, thus determining our actions, our decisions. It defines what type of adult we will become.

            Overall, I enjoyed Huck's adventures. Although I faced some challenges with literary aspects of the novel, I thoroughly enjoyed the context of the story. In a mere 300 pages, I felt that I witnessed Huck grow as a person. I enjoyed the opportunity to watch him face the realities of life, as well as the rewards that can come from doing right, or at least, doing what is respectable in the eyes of one's self.        

"Howdy, Partner" (Meeting #2)

              It was a zoo, a war-zone, a replica of The Shire. I for once was finally considered "tall" (yes, if you've met me, you would quickly realize that if I'm considered "tall", then everyone else must be horrendously short). I avoided the mass of little munchkins scurrying into the front entrance of the BLUU today at just around 1 PM. Why elementary schools would venture to have excursions here when their students are probably still at the point in their lives when they're deciphering right from left or still thinking that boys have cooties, is beyond me. Regardless of this chaos, I hurried over to Union Grounds once again to meet my conversation partner, YiRay. Amongst the crowd of people, I saw her, reading a magazine patiently, elegantly poised in the midst of the commotion. I waved and smiled; her face lit up as our eyes met as she ventured over towards me. My eyes searched for an open table, and we quickly found a place to be seated comfortably. Here we were, once again ready to learn about one another, and to explore further the wonders of the English language in conversation.

             Although this was only our second time meeting with one another, our conversation began so naturally, like friends. We inquired about how the other was doing, and what we had done over this past weekend. I told her that my weekend was pleasant as I spent it studying and hanging out with friends. After a moment of hesitation, she quickly blurted out, "what is 'hanging out'?" Her eyes wide, she looked at me, waiting for an answer. I pondered for a moment of how to explain this odd term, as I had never really considered its literal meaning; for the last 19 years of my life, I never once questioned the term of "hanging out", yet I use it on a regular basis.

Monkeys hang from trees; we hang laundry or our coats; we hang a painting on the wall. Hence, to a non-native English speaker, I can now see how "hanging" with friends can seem like such a bizarre concept, for we are certainly not monkeys (or at least, that is what we tell ourselves). After some thought, I began to explain "hanging out" through the use of examples, such as watching movies with friends, eating a meal together, and simply spending time with them; in truth, I told her, she and I were also "hanging out". That made her smile, as she happily jotted down notes about this funny phrase.

             For the rest of our meeting, we continued to discuss phrases as we reviewed a worksheet of sample conversations that YiRay had from her personal studies aside from her class work, and I did my best to explain some of the phrases that she found confusing. Some of the American phrases that we discussed were "I'm on my way" and "there are two sides to every story", along with what it means to "get along", have a "back up", and say "you don't want to catch it" when you have a cold. YiRay found these terms quite fascinating, and I also found myself in awe of these terms that would literally not make sense if you took it at face-value; yet, when it is in the context of conversation, society has given them new meaning. Some phrases, such as "back up" and "you don't want to catch it", were actually quite difficult to explain, and I felt nervous as I discussed these terms, as she was recording the entirety of our conversation. After a while, though, I forgot that she was recording us, and continued in my silliness at trying to offer clarity to the English language.

             As we prepared to go our separate ways, we chatted about cartoon movies and things we planned to do this weekend. She told me excitedly about her plans to “hang out” with her daughter and husband, who would be returning from Florida by the end of the week. In return, I happily told her about my plans for the weekend, such as going to watch the baseball game and then seeing a concert on the following day, as well as the not as joyous aspects of my weekend, such as studying for numerous exams in the upcoming week. Although our lives are so different, it felt so natural to find connections within our lives and our interests, connections discovered through the power of conversation.

After saying our farewells, YiRay turned around as she left and said, "Thank you so much; our time together and conversations are special to me."

            My heart smiled; these times are special to me too.

"On the Rise: 1937" (Library Research)

                 Perhaps, I thought as I skimmed through a March and April issue of Life Magazine from the year of 1937, I was born during the wrong time.

                Of course, the Great Depression, the suppression of rights, gender and racial inequalities, and world wars by no means sound appealing; however, the charm and sophistication that life in 1937 portrayed seemed so inviting. From the advertisements to the featured articles, life appeared glamorous and delightful for the young, up-and-coming generation of the time. How could the impersonal, technologically savvy life today compete with the innocence, luxurious fashion, discoveries, galas, and advertisements of 1937? As I flipped through this gigantic file, I was in awe at the comicality and simplicity of their stories and photographs, while uncovering a new-found respect for the themes of the magazine. Yes, I thought, perhaps I was born during the wrong time.

                Today, if one is to look at magazines stacked upon the store shelves, the featured article is normally about a famous celebrity, one radiating a sensual allure and sexual aura. In 1937, however, the woman of the featured article was none other than Eleanor Roosevelt, the first lady of the time and an active civil rights advocate. No disrespect is intended towards Eleanor, but to be frank, she would not be seen today as the ideal cover girl; in modern times, she would not be considered to be among the popularity ranks of women like Scarlett Johansson, Angelina Jolie, Selena Gomez, or Rachel McAdams.  Rather, in the year of 1937, the magazine decided to highlight a woman not only for her physical beauty or for popularity amongst the many, but for her power, self-respect, and commitment to her country and to the rights of others. Even though physical beauty may not have been Eleanor’s strongest aspect, she was still recognized for the other honorable qualities that she encompassed. My eyes carefully read each detail about her, from her childhood to her teen years, realizing that the fears, insecurities, and self-doubt she experienced while growing up is so similar to what we all feel during those developmental years, and even in moments today.

                It was most surprising for me to learn about Eleanor's road to self-acceptance and maturity, as she married at the young age of 19. To imagine my own self marrying and taking responsibility for a husband and family at this age is overwhelming; I doubt that I could successfully handle the emotional and physical commitments that it would entail. For Eleanor, it seemed like the natural thing to do, and perhaps for her, it was the turning point in her life- the moment when she became a woman for herself, and the wife of the future president of the United States. To read about Eleanor's journey and coming-of-age was inspiring, as I was heavily reminded of why I respect her as a woman, and as an influential individual of our country’s history.

                Along with my awe-stricken expression while reading about 1937's cover girl, I was pleasantly surprised by the advertisements. For the advertisements, I noticed there was a trending theme emphasizing finding a mate, improving one's physical appearance, and overall becoming a "gentleman" or a "lady". These coming-of-age themes seem to mirror themes of today's ads - how to be cooler, how to be prettier, how to be more appealing to the opposite sex. Although it seems nothing has changed between then and now, it has. In the 1930's, the way to become more desirable and to "come-of-age" was to develop manners, social etiquette, and tasteful fashion; young females were encouraged to be "respectable ladies", while young men were encouraged to be "a lady's gentleman." Today, however, the path of "coming-of-age" and attracting a mate has changed. Ads today are accused of degrading women, being distasteful, and encouraging sex, alcohol, and drugs. Hence, themes of then and now may be similar, but the presentation of such themes are inarguably different. 

                Coming-of-age in the 1930's is an experience that leaves me filled with wonder. It also makes me question the ethics and morals that are currently in the media, as the media will highly impact individuals who are coming of age today, just as it did in the 1930’s as well. Overall, the natural charm of this 1937 issue leaves me smiling, thinking of what life could have been.

               

"Howdy, Partner" (Meeting #1)

                3:28 P.M. Breathlessly, I collapsed on a sofa in front of Union Grounds. The idiotic part of my brain is not great at judging time, thus I had the notion I could fly across campus, running an endless list of errands in less than 15 minutes. I had scheduled my first meeting with my conversation partner to be held at 3:30 P.M. on this Thursday afternoon, so in truth, I suppose I was "early".

                My conversation partner, YiRay, and I had previously conversed via the wondrous email system, and after much confusion and electronic letters, we had finally set a date and time to meet. The only clue I had about the mysterious YiRay was that he or she is Korean (or at least, that is what I concluded when part of our first email contained Korean characters). Nevertheless, I sat anxiously in my seat, my eyes eagerly searching the room for someone who looked as curious and anxious as I did.

                Then, that awkward moment when...you realize that you have been sitting next to your partner for the last five minutes...and neither of you had really noticed...

                "Are you YiRay?" I asked, peering at the beautiful woman beside me.

                "Oh, yes, yes," she exclaimed as she placed down her magazine. "I am YiRay Kim. Are you my conversation partner, Laurie?"

                A sigh of relief escaped me as I happily nodded with affirmation. "It's so nice to finally meet you! How are you doing today?" With that, our first conversation began.

                It was a pleasant surprise to discover that she was from South Korea, - a country that has captured my affections through their amazing television dramas that I watch with addictive passion - and that she was happily married, now with a daughter at the tender age of four. Her inquisitiveness about me, however, was not as surprising as one might think. YiRay seemed relieved that I was also of Asian descent, a commonality that seems so rare on TCU grounds. Her curiosity, though, regarded where I called home. I smiled as I explained that I am from Hawaii, and so are my parents, and no, that does not mean we are Hawaiian. I had this conversation before with others, however, this time I could only appreciate her genuine curiosity and interest in my background, rather than be offended at what I had often deemed as ignorance.

                As the minutes ticked away, we then began to discuss expectations for this partnership. I was surprised when her main expectation was simply to have a conversation. Conversation, an interaction that I take for granted on a daily basis, was something that she wanted with such a passion. Her pure wish left me at a loss for words, but ignited a fire within me to help in any way that I could, whether it be explaining American phrases, correcting her language and sentence structure, or simply having meaningful conversations on a weekly basis. The power of a genuine conversation, something that seems so simple and so easy, was priceless to her, and I became even more invested in the partnership that we would share.

                After chatting for an hour, YiRay asked in her accent, "What is 'put off'?"

                At first, I was genuinely confused because I could not quite understand her enunciation of the phrase; however, she then spelled it out, and I stifled a chuckle as I tried to explain this odd phrase that is synonymous to procrastination. How often I use this phrase, I thought, but how difficult it is to explain. My perspective on the English language shifted at that moment, as I realized how challenging - and how silly - this language could be.

                YiRay's appreciation for my companionship sparks my interest and commitment to this partnership, and I can honestly say that I am looking forward to our next meeting this week. Even from just one meeting, my eyes about the English language have opened, and I have gained a widened perspective on the challenges and quirks of the main language that I know. In honesty, I feel that I will be challenged just as much as YiRay will be over the course of these next few weeks as we explore and delve deeper into the art of conversation. Just as she is ready to learn, so am I.